Step #1: Understand Your Differences


Opposites attract.  That’s what they say anyway.

My experience is………… they are completely right!

Jay and I couldn’t be more different. First there is the gender thing. He has a completely different way of thinking and acting.  We speak completely different languages.  (Read The 5 Love languages to find out what yours and your spouse’s are)   Then there is also a personality difference; and also a difference in the way we were raised.  I’m a saver by birth, He is a spender.  I like to follow rules, lists and instructions.  He is a free spirit, spontaneous, the life of the party.  If I like vanilla, he likes chocolate. The list could go on and on.

At first these differences are exciting. If you are the structured, list follower it is thrilling to have a mate that is spontaneous. Life becomes unexpected and romantic. If you are the free spirit, it feels good to have some structure in your life. You think to yourself. This person can give me the stability our new family needs.  Then reality sets in and you begin to work together to make a home and build a family.  That’s when the differences become a frustration..

These differences are not bad. God actually designed it that way.  It is his way of balancing things out.  As you grow together in marriage you will find that your mate completes you.  They fill in where you are missing.  And through the years a rhythm can be learned.  The longer you are together the more you can work as one.  But it doesn’t come without hard work, communication and compromise.

Understanding these differences can help you synchronize your two different personalities.  ‘Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti’ by Bill & Pam Farrell is a hilarious look into the differences between men and women.  We studied this book as a Sunday School class and found it to be extremely helpful.

You will laugh your way through this book, but in the process you will discover that it is OK and even normal to be different. The book covers your differences in areas like communication, the way you and your spouse relax, parenting, sex, how you relate to goals and many more issues.  Once you accept your differences, you can begin to use them to build a strong family.

Before you can even learn to communicate you must learn to understand your differences.

Here is one of the many fun lists in this book. Enjoy!

“Why It’s Great to Be Male” facts……..

  1. We know stuff about tanks.
  2. A five-day trip requires one suitcase.
  3. We can open all our own jars.
  4. We can go to the bathroom without a support group.
  5. We can leave a motel bed unmade.
  6. We can kill our own food.
  7. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
  8. If someone forgets to invite us to something they can still be our friend.
  9. Everything on our faces stays the original color.
  10. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough…maybe too many.
  11. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
  12. We can sit quietly and watch a game with a friend for hours without thinking, “He must be mad at me.”
  13. Same work–more pay.
  14. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
  15. We can drop by and see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
  16. If another guy shows up at a party in the same outfit, we just might become lifelong friends.
  17. Our pals will never trap us with: “So, notice anything different?”
  18. We are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
  19. We are totally unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
  20. The same hairstyle lasts for years–even decades.
  21. We don’t have to shave below the neck.
  22. A few belches are expected and tolerated.
  23. Our belly usually hides our big hips.
  24. We can do our nails with a pocketknife.
  25. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 people on the day before Christmas and in 45 minutes.



Leave a Reply

Required fields are marked *.